This information comes from local police reports. It does not mean anyone is guilty. This is not a court of law. Let us know what you think: Email news@free-times.com.

Agitated Granny: An elderly woman was at Hinton Community Care Home on Hinton Street with her caretaker on Dec. 21. She was hungry and asked the caretaker to prepare her some food. Instead of waiting for the food to be served, she went to the refrigerator to grab some. When she was told to get away from the refrigerator, she grabbed a knife off a counter and waved it around. The caretaker told police that the woman has become aggressive and could not stay at the home anymore. She was transported to a hospital.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Prostitution: A 21-year-old woman was walking back and forth between the Western Inn and a Shell station on Bush River Road on Jan. 3, trying to hitch a ride, when a white Ford work truck pulled over. Turns out, the woman wasn't just looking for a ride, but soliciting prostitution in an area known for drugs and sex for hire. After the woman got into the passenger seat of the truck, an observant cop stopped the vehicle, questioned the woman and the driver and arrested them both for loitering for prostitution.

A Hammer Can't Fix Everything: A 36-year-old woman and her husband had some things stored in SV Storage on Two Notch Road on Dec. 29. When they went to claim their belongings, they argued with the owners of the storage business over fees. The woman then went to her car, got a hammer and swung it around saying, "We're going to get our stuff!" Police were called and the woman was put on trespass notice and arrested for intimidation. The husband paid the balance and plans to return at a later time to retrieve their things.

Aiming for a Clean Getaway: A 20-year-old man broke a coin-operated vending machine, which sells car cleaning materials, by running the back of his truck into it at Mr. Suds Car Wash on Two Notch Road on Dec. 26. He then stole air fresheners, moist wipes, Rain-X and other products out of the machine. Captured on a Mr. Suds surveillance camera returning several times in different clothes and different vehicles, he eventually stole almost $200 worth of car cleaners.

Roommate Troubles: A 30-year-old man was living with a 24-year-old man at a house on Hamrick Street when things got tense between them and the 30-year-old left Dec. 28 to "have time for himself." When he returned New Year's Day, he intended to get his stuff and leave. But the 24-year-old wouldn't have it. He confiscated the guy's birth certificate, passport, some of his clothing, Star Wars and X-Men movies and a EuroSteamer so the 30-year-old wouldn't leave without ponying up money he says his roommate owed him.

Seeing Red: A 38-year-old man who owns Redd Carpet and Floor Covering on Leesburg Road reported a fire Dec. 19. A surveillance tape showed someone throwing something flammable into a trash container, causing it to ignite. The Columbia Fire Department extinguished the blaze, which caused an estimated $1,500 in damage.

Tip of the Week: Sometimes it's better just to let go. Cingular Wireless in Charleston hired a 24-year-old woman to work at a store on O'Neil Court in Columbia. In a recent report, the woman's manager said she did not complete her training and was fired. The woman has been calling her manager with her boyfriend complaining that she is owed money and saying the manager had something to do with her termination. Luckily for the woman, the manager did not want to prosecute and she was advised never to call again. Take 10 deep breaths, girl!

In Someone Else's Socks: When an 18-year-old man got arrested for shoplifting at Sears on Two Notch Road on Dec. 22, not only was he trying to steal a nightgown and panties, but he had drugs on him. Police found a clear plastic bag with 2.5 grams of marijuana in his right cargo pants pocket and two white rock items, believed to be crack cocaine, in his right sock. He claimed the marijuana was his, but advised he "put on someone else's socks today." He was arrested for shoplifting, simple possession of marijuana and possession of crack cocaine.

Counterfeit Bills at Circle K: A 53-year-old woman got $5 worth of gas at a Circle K on Two Notch Road on Dec. 19 and paid with a $20 bill. She got three $5 bills in return. Later, she went to a Sonic to get something to eat and paid for her food with one of the $5 bills. She was told it was counterfeit and needed to report it to police, who placed the bill into evidence.

Double the Trouble: A 33-year-old man caught the attention of not one but two cops as he drove 120 mph along Broad River Road on Dec. 24. The man crossed a double yellow line and forced an officer to the far right shoulder of the road to avoid a head-on collision. As the cop turned around and pursued with his sirens on, the man continued at a high speed and caught the attention of another officer. When the man was finally pulled over, he admitted to having four beers several hours earlier and said he was in a hurry to get home. He was arrested for reckless driving.

Taxicab Confession: A woman shortchanged a Checker Yellow Cab driver $25 when she was driven from a mobile home in Silver Leaf in West Columbia to Broad River Road on Christmas Eve. The cabbie, a 47-year-old woman, said her passenger gave her only $30 for a $55 fare and fled on foot.

In the Name of Love: Four teenagers ‹ three males and one female ‹ entered an Eckerd on Two Notch Road and stole 12 Trojan Magnum large-size latex condoms on Christmas. A 45-year-old employee of the store who reported the theft was unable to get a description, but said the teens left in a gold car with the tag covered. Perhaps in the spirit of the season, the store does not want to prosecute.

Tip of the Week: Look before you leap! A 21-year-old man who lives on Newport Street recently bought a .32-caliber gun from Best Gun Pawn Shop. He says he always hides the gun under a couch in his back bedroom, but when he went to look for it Christmas morning, it was gone. He called police and reported it stolen. A little while later, he found the gun somewhere else in the house. Apparently, he had forgotten where he put it. Whoops!

Tramping through the house: A 28-year-old female who shares a house with her 32-year-old brother on Tall Tree Lane came home on Dec. 18 to find one of her brother's "friends," a female, had gone through her bedroom and stolen her stuff. The brother says he invited the girl into the house and while he was sleeping, she went into his sister's bedroom, used her curling iron, left a Boone's Farm wine bottle and stole a litany of items. Among the things she stole were Darvocet pills (a prescription narcotic), a hair bow, a pair of lacy panties and a knife. The sister believes the girl is a drug user.

Open like a book: A 24-year-old man was stopped on Dupont Road on Dec. 18 for not wearing his seatbelt. After he exhibited suspicious behavior, police found that the man was hiding 64.5 grams of marijuana in his shirt and had a book in his trunk that turned out to be a locked safe. Inside the safe were three plastic baggies containing cocaine. Along with the cocaine were silver scales. The man was arrested for possession with intent to distribute marijuana, trafficking cocaine and a seatbelt violation.

Not Air Jordans: A 21-year-old man who lives at home with his mother on Valhalla Drive noticed two young males inside their fenced backyard on Dec. 15. He went outside with his handgun and confronted the two men, who fled on foot. He says one of the men was armed with a silver handgun. Both mother and son told police that several strange occurrences began after the son bought a PlayStation.

Too good to be true: A 41-year-old female who lives on Lester Drive received a letter stating that an old lady was dying and her wish was for the woman to be the beneficiary of her estate. All that the woman had to do to receive the money, according to the letter, was send $1,160 to a lawyer in London. The woman was eventually swindled out of more than $2,000. What a scam!

When the music stops: A 36-year-old man and a 45-year-old woman were having a verbal altercation on Fontana Drive on Dec. 19 when the argument turned ugly. The woman threw a music box, barely missing the man's head, and smashed a window, breaking the glass. The man, fearing for his safety, called police. He told police that the woman was on medication and had been drinking. The woman admitted to having one-and-a-half beers. The man refused prosecution.

Got Milk?: A 48-year-old man said that on Dec. 15 someone threw a Coburg reduced-fat milk carton on his car at his house on Haverford Circle, probably as a prank, and got milk all over the back of the vehicle. Although he could not identify the prankster, he was given a case number.

Tip of the week: Don't forget to check the roof of your car before driving off! A 51-year-old man left his wallet on top of his car while he drove off from 12th Street in West Columbia. Among other things, he lost his insurance card, a tax ID card, his driver's license and two checks worth approximately $2,900.

Disregarding the Fifth Commandment: A 74-year-old woman residing on Twin Lakes Road told police Dec. 6 that her 46-year-old son threw a rubber plant, striking her in the face and chest, and sprayed Raid bug repellant. She said the bug spray made it difficult for her to breathe because she uses an inhaler.

Ring of Dour: A 25-year-old man apparently wanted to get married, but evidently didn't have money for a ring. On Dec. 7, he walked into Sandler's Fine Jewelry at the Village at Sandhills and asked to see a three-stone ring. He was shown one ‹ 14 carats, white gold and three stones ‹ worth $1,500. He snatched the ring, ran out the door, around the left side of the business and under a security camera ‹ and got away.

Poker Bust: A 30-year-old man and his wife were hiding seven video poker machines in their Gibson Street home Dec. 11 when police received an anonymous tip about a domestic disturbance at the couple's residence. When cops entered the house, the woman said she was visiting and another woman owns the home. The story didn't sway the police. They arrested the couple.

Brothers Grim: A 36-year-old man who lives on Hammond Gibbs Road reported Dec. 9 that his two brothers used his identity at a location on John Mark Dial Boulevard while he was in jail. He said it was not the first time his brothers had employed his identity to nefarious ends ‹ messing up his driving record, to boot ‹ during his stints of incarceration over the years. He is pressing charges for forgery.

Crazy on You: A 38-year-old woman and a 43-year-old man were having a lover's quarrel Dec. 6 on Plumbers Road when the man "went crazy on her." He told police he was leaving and that he was physically OK, refusing medical treatment. The woman said the man struck her in the head several times. She was taken to an emergency room where she received medical treatment. He was arrested for simple assault.

Prankster or Perpetrator?: A 36-year-old man who lives on Chiswick Court told police Dec. 6 that someone called his cell phone at 3 a.m. and shouted "you bitch-ass nigga', I'm gonna kill you bitch-ass nigga'." Using his caller ID he phoned the person back and reached a Red Roof Inn. The hotel staff told him they could not provide any information to him, but they could provide it to police. The man wants to prosecute if it was a legitimate threat, but is unconcerned if it was a prank call.

Tip of the Week: Keep your cool, even when someone fires you. A 56-year-old woman who works on Two Notch Road reported Dec. 8 that she fired a 27-year-old woman who subsequently slammed a door so hard that a chalkboard fell. The slamming/falling caused $150 in damage, which the older woman wants to prosecute as vandalism.

Unaccustomed Driver: A 26-year-old man recently was driving along Parklane Road with his 14-year-old son when police saw their vehicle swerve all over the road, with the left blinker on but going right, making several lane changes and slowing down and speeding up. Police blue-lighted them and discovered that the driver could not speak English. The son had to translate. The father could not produce a driver's license. Neither could understand why dad is not allowed to operate a vehicle without a driver's license, which the son said his father has never had. The man's wife was called to retrieve the child and the car, and he was taken to jail.

A Likely Story: A group of juveniles was throwing rocks at passing cars on Farrow Road on Nov. 24 when they busted out the side window of one of the vehicles. The driver stopped and called police, while the juveniles ran. Cops found the kids behind apartments at Farrow Terrace. The youths said they were there when the rocks were thrown but they didn't do it ‹ another kid did.

Probable Cause is in the Eye of the Beholder: A 21-year-old man has been repeatedly calling, harassing and threatening a 26-year-old woman, who phoned police Nov. 29 saying he had told her that he hired a hit man to do bodily harm to her and her friend. Police responded and found the man's car. The woman said she had seen guns in the trunk of the vehicle, but the cops said they could not enter or search the car without probable cause. The man was charged with making threatening phone calls.

Showing Their Poker Faces (Pause) Not!: A 28-year-old woman and a 54-year-old woman got into a fight Nov. 18 while playing a card game on John Mark Dial Drive on Nov. 18. Instead of showing their poker faces, they showed each other their fists. Medical responders checked out both women, but neither was hurt. Cops could not determine who started the fight.

Tip of the Week: Any day is a nice day for a white wedding at Wal-Mart. A 24-year-old woman was at work on Dec. 4 when a co-worker congratulated her on her nuptials. She reported to police that someone had listed her on Wal-Mart's registry for a wedding that is supposedly taking place April 17. The woman is not engaged and has no plans to get married. Apparently, falsely listing someone on a bridal registry is not a crime.

Time for a Restraining Order: A 22-year-old woman who lives in a Firelane Road apartment told police Nov. 18 that her husband, from whom she is separated, continues to call her. She said he told her he would "kick the door in" and "blow her brains out."

Gotta Have It: In a bit of holiday vandalism, a group of rowdy teenagers used a truck to drag a Coke machine through the parking lot of 84 Lumber on Farrow Road on Nov. 27. Several soda cans and a plastic case were left, but police were unable to get latent prints.

Dogging a Suspect: Police responded to a report of a 33-year-old man driving along Universal Drive on Nov. 24 in a stolen car. The cops blue-lighted him as he was leaving the area and he parked the car in front of a building and bolted on foot. Police brought in a K-9 unit that smelled him out and he was arrested.

The Problem with People Who Don't Get It is … They Just Don't Get It: A 22-year-old man was standing in the driveway of his grandmother's Nevada Street home Nov. 24 getting drunk and ticking off the neighbors. Police showed up and the man began screaming at them, "What the hell do you want?" The grandmother said it was OK for him to be there. As the cops started to leave the guy cursed loudly at the officers, who told him several times to quiet down and go inside the house. He continued to swear at the police and staggered down the driveway, whereupon he was arrested for disorderly conduct.

He Said, She Said: A 37-year-old woman showed up at her ex-boyfriend's Arcadia Springs Circle house Nov. 25 claiming she had left some earrings there after spending the night Nov. 22. The ex said she did not stay over and he does not have her earrings. They both professed that they had several messages from each other on their cell phones and that the other person keeps showing up at their home. She has a vandalism case pending against the man. Police put her on trespass notice and advised him not to call her or go to her house.

Tip of the Week: Post no bills, er, illegal signs in this area! The Lexington County Sheriff's Department conducted a sweep Nov. 30 and Dec. 1 to remove advertising signs placed illegally on utility poles and in public rights of way at major intersections. Under Lexington County law, illegally posting a sign carries a maximum fine of $1,087 per violation per day.

Counterfeit Ring: A 41-year-old man called police Nov. 16 about a counterfeiting ring in which 11 bogus checks totaling more than $5,400 were cashed at First Citizens Bank branches in Rock Hill, Orangeburg and Aiken. The checks were made out on a fake Days Inn account. Police were given copies of the checks. Days Inn is investigating and First Citizens was informed of the fraud.

Breaking News: A 19-year-old woman recently was driving with her 24-year-old live-in boyfriend to a friend's house in Bluff Estates near the intersection of Winter Park Drive and Taviner Drive. Along the way she told him she was pregnant. The guy became furious and the two started fighting. The confrontation continued at the friend's house, where he yelled and caused a scene, then asked to use his girlfriend's car. She said no because he didn't have a driver's license and he became even more angry. The woman reported the incident for documentation purposes.

Not-So-Divine Secrets of a Sisterhood: A 51-year-old woman's sister picked up her son from her Abbott Road home Nov. 13. The aunt kept her nephew all day and all night and dropped him off at school the next day without notifying his mother. The mother said her sister took her son without her permission.

Tip of the Week: Remember to take 10 ‹ or, if necessary, 100 ‹ deep breaths when you're angry. A 35-year-old man and a 46-year-old woman who live together argued all night Nov. 18 at their residence on Connie Drive. Police were called twice. After they left the second time, the woman left the home and returned at 7:45 a.m. When she got home, the man still wanted to argue so she locked herself in the bathroom and fell asleep on the floor. When she woke up for work, she discovered that her clothes and personal items were gone from the house. The man had burned her work clothes and threw them in the woods and tossed her personal paperwork in a pond. When cops showed up again, he admitted that he had taken out his frustration on the woman's things, saying he was upset that she had left and wanted nothing of hers in the house. He was arrested and jailed for malicious injury to personal property.

Driving That Train, High on Cocaine: Police with a search warrant seized $300,000 worth of cocaine from a room at a Days Inn in Blythewood on Nov. 15. They arrested a 31-year-old woman and a 30-year-old man on drug charges. A K-9 unit was used to sniff out several shoe boxes that held 300 grams of cocaine, which the man said he and the woman had picked up from Charlotte and transferred to her car at a gas station. He was hoping to profit $6,000 from the transaction, while the woman reportedly would have netted $300 for helping.

Keeping Score: Cops searched a 32-year-old man in front of a Middle Street residence Nov. 14 after responding to a disturbance in the area, which is known for heavy drug and prostitution activity. Police found a glass pipe, presumably of the crack variety, in the man's right jacket pocket. The man admitted to looking for drugs and said, "I was just here to score." He was arrested for loitering for narcotics.

Bad Seed: A 21-year-old man driving his mother's car was hanging out in a Faraway Drive parking lot Nov. 13 with a digital scale containing cigar-blunt shavings. Police approached and questioned the man, whereupon he told them the car was his and they could search it. They did, and found marijuana and pot seeds in the front seat, center console and beside a seatbelt. The man admitted that the pot was his and the car was his mother's, but added that she does not use the vehicle.

A New Meaning to Robbing the Cradle: A 59-year-old man invited a 31-year-old woman to his Winyah Drive home for a date the night of Nov. 12. He did not know her last name. They had a few drinks and went to bed. The man woke up later in the evening and discovered that the woman, and his car, were gone.

Electric Slide: A 22-year-old man evaded a security checkpoint and ignored "no trespassing" signs before crashing his car onto the property of Westinghouse Electric on Bluff Road on Nov. 11. He careened his vehicle into a hole and was arrested for ‹ d'oh! ‹ trespassing.

Tip of the Week: You can never be too careful about identity theft. A 79-year-old man's Social Security and voter registration cards, and his wife's military ID, were stolen when his Drexel Lake Drive home was broken into in September. A month later, he mailed a check to Time Warner Cable and was told that the cable company never got it. His bank statement showed that the check had been altered to make a purchase at Tweeter Audio and Video.

Pitchfork Folks: Two women told police Nov. 2 that someone spray painted green pitchforks on their cars. One of the women, 53, said the pitchfork on her vehicle was 16 inches long and, referring to a local gang, "indicative of Folk Nation." She said she has no enemies, no children or grandchildren living with her and had not received threatening phone calls. She lives on Spring Flower Road, adjacent to a cut-through in a fence near Parklane Apartments. Police say Folk Nation gang bangers frequent the area. The other woman, 33, lives on Spring Pond Road.

Rent to Disown: A 40-year-old woman had items delivered from RentWay to her Cardamom Court residence Nov. 3. When she came home from work the next day she found papers with the company's logo all over her property. She said she did not see who did it but believes that it was someone from RentWay. Police gave her a case number and advised her to contact the rent-to-own company to find out if it sent an employee to her house.

Worker's Consolation: A 50-year-old-man who lives on Brickingham Way received threatening phone calls from his 38-year-old ex-employer Nov. 2. The man's former boss told him that if he pursued legal action to redeem his pay, the ex-employer would tell authorities that the man filed false documents while working for him. The man said he wanted to press charges.

Badly in Need of an Ass Whoopin': A 53-year-old woman living on Bitternut Road called police Nov. 2 about her 19-year-old son being disrespectful and having friends over doing drugs in the house. When a cop showed up, the 19-year-old started yelling and cussing, pointing a finger in the cop's face and telling him to get out of the house. The officer told the teenager to lower his voice and stop pointing his finger. Then, as the cop was informing the mother how to get her son evicted, the kid blasted his music. The episode continued, with the teenager twice putting his hands on the cop and, ignoring warnings, doing so a third time, at which point the officer pepper sprayed him and charged him with assault and battery and breach of peace.

Tip of the Week: The term "pets" should not apply to pit bulls. A 37-year-old woman pulled into her Farrow Road driveway Nov. 5 and encountered one of her neighbor's pit bulls. The dog started barking at her and growling, making the woman fearful of leaving her car. She called police and reported that she has had an ongoing problem with her neighbor not keeping his pit bulls confined in his backyard, adding she had notified animal control officials about the problem. Police responded to the scene and zapped the pit bull with a Taser gun. The dog then ran into a storage shed behind the neighbor's house. Animal control officers took the dog away and said they would follow up with the neighbor, who was not home.

Statuesque: A 79-year-old man reported on Nov. 1 that he saw a car parked outside his North Trenholm Road residence for about 15 minutes. After the vehicle left, the man noticed four cement statues missing from his property.

Must Have Been High or Something: In an area off Percival Road known for drug activity, an officer stopped a 32-year-old man Oct. 31 for driving a Plymouth Neon with tags belonging to a 2003 Chevy Impala out of Bishopville. The man gave the cop a fake name. He also did not have a driver's license, registration or insurance, saying his license was suspended. As the cop began to handcuff the man, he said he had marijuana in both of his front pockets ‹ about 10 grams in the right and 3 grams in the left. Meanwhile, the officer noticed a cigar pack with blunt shavings on the floorboard, a "grinder" used to shred marijuana on the center console and a brass scale on the back seat. After an hour, the man provided his correct name. He was arrested on multiple charges.

They Don't Call 'Em In-Laws for Nothing: A 63-year-old man told police on Nov. 1 that his 20-year-old stepdaughter had been cashing his checks at Wal-Mart on Garners Ferry Road. The stepdaughter and her two children, a 3-year-old and an 8-month-old, live with the man on Old Leesburg Road. She is suspected of using drugs.

Wild Life: A cop was called to Broad River Road on Nov. 2 in response to three suspicious teenagers. The cop got their names and learned that one of them, a 19-year-old man, was wanted by the S.C. Department of Natural Resources for failure to pay a wildlife fine. The DNR asked that he be taken into custody until they could serve him with a court summons. The cop obliged and let the other two teens go.

Tip of the Week: Subtlety in courtship is appealing; psycho freakiness isn't. A 28-year-old woman who works at Nationwide Insurance on Two Notch Road said a 44-year-old man recently dropped by the company's office to conduct business. While there he gave her some candy, which she accepted and thanked him for. However, he also put some condoms on her work station, which she said, not surprisingly, made her feel uncomfortable, so she called police and requested a report for documentation only.

The Great Escape: A cop saw two men driving recklessly in the parking lot of Pleasers Club on Bluff Road on Oct. 25. As the men pulled out of the parking lot onto Bluff Road the cop stopped them and directed them back into the parking lot. But they ignored the cop's directive and sped off down Bluff Road. The cop lost the men, but another officer spotted them on Longwood Road. The men kept fleeing and finally stopped in the yard of a residence on Bellemeade Place, where they bolted on foot. Officers found half a joint in the car and tracked the men with a K-9 unit to the back door of another Bellemeade Place home, but could not find them.

Hair-Raising Experience: A 41-year-old man driving a black Dodge Neon with a paper tag that had a false expiration date caught the attention of an officer Oct. 24 when he had trouble turning left from Fontaine Road onto Farrow Road. The cop pulled the man and found crack cocaine hidden in the brim of his baseball cap and sprinkled throughout his hair. He presented several fake identities to the arresting officer and was taken to jail for drug possession and driving under suspension.

Hard to Find Good Help: A woman who works at a Pantry Express on Farrow Road stole a pack of cigarettes and three containers of ice cream from the convenience store Oct. 23. The store's security camera filmed her in the act, and the owner of the store wants to prosecute the woman.

Oldie But a Goodie: A 27-year-old man's car was stolen from his workplace at the Radisson on Bush River Road on Oct. 10. He told police that "someone he knows" informed him that his car was at the Home Depot on Two Notch Road and that the vehicle is "so old you can stick any key in it to start it." The car was found with the driver's side rear window broken out, but nothing was missing.

Post-Marital Stress Disorder: A wedded couple's marital problems erupted anew Oct. 25. After the husband had moved out two months earlier and established a new residence, he called his wife and threatened to "kill her," "cut her brake lines" and "take the kids." The wife also told police that her husband said, "I've killed for my kids in Iraq" and "I'll kill again."

Tip of the Week: When your tenants move out, make sure you change the locks. A 41-year-old woman and a 22-year-old man moved out of their Rushing Road home Oct. 24. Later, they returned to the residence, where the locks had not been changed, and stole a gold ring, a portable CD player, a memory card for a digital camera and car keys.

Putting It Bluntly: A deputy was conducting "burglary suppression" on Padgett Road on Oct. 18 when he pulled a 19-year-old guy for not wearing his seatbelt. The teen tried to walk away from the car, leaving two companions inside, but the deputy ordered him to get back into the vehicle, whereupon two more deputies arrived and one of the cops saw a Philly Blunt cigar in the car. A deputy wrote that he "knew that that item is used to smoke illegal drugs," so the cops searched the car and took two of the occupants to jail on drug charges.

A Different Kind of Pole Dancing: An argument Oct. 2 between a stepson and his stepfather at a residence on Trotter Road turned physical when the stepson went outside, picked up a metal pole and, instead of ordering his stepfather to dance, started beating him with it. The stepfather received serious injuries and the stepson fled before police arrived.

Exercising Demons: A 26-year-old woman said she arrived at her Richland County home Oct. 19 to find a man and his wife waiting for her. They started arguing about an exercise machine the man had given her, and his wife tore her shirt off and "slammed, tossed and destroyed" her laptop on the concrete driveway. The responding officer said he saw remnants of the laptop scattered across the driveway. The man and his wife bolted before police arrived.

Unrestrained Love: A 27-year-old woman residing on Prentice Avenue reported Oct. 7 that she had sent a certified letter to a 37-year-old man telling him not to contact her for any reason. The man responded by sending her a dozen pink roses and several Bible verses, which prompted the woman to seek a restraining order against him. Ain't love grand?

Get It in Writing: A 21-year-old man reported Oct. 2 that he turned over his car to a 45-year-old man to be primed and painted "in a timely manner." The 45-year-old has had the vehicle for four months and keeps telling the owner it will be ready in a week. The owner said that the last time he saw his car it had only been primed, and that he knows the vehicle is somewhere on Monticello Road but he isn't sure where.

Tip of the Week: If you're leery of someone's credit rating, go with your gut. A 41-year-old man who works at 5 Star Automotive on Assembly Street recently reported that a 23-year-old woman with a sketchy credit rating came in to buy a car. The man was leery of her credit rating, but allowed her to take the car after she put down a large amount of cash on it. When he later called her about the vehicle, she said she was not bringing it back.

Asking for It: A 24-year-old man was driving along Fairfield Road on Oct. 11 when police stopped him for not wearing his seatbelt, making an improper lane change and having a stolen tag. He also did not have an S.C. driver's license. He was arrested and taken to jail.

Take Me to Jail, Pretty Please with a Cherry on Top: A 26-year-old woman walked up to a police officer at Columbia Place Mall on Oct. 9 and demanded that she be "locked up." She smelled like alcohol and was unsteady on her feet. She was arrested for disorderly conduct.

The Young and Restless: A 21-year-old woman called her 23-year-old boyfriend on Oct. 9 and told him she was going to burn all of his clothes at a Cardington Court home they once shared. He responded by confronting the woman in person and a fight ensued. She spit at him and destroyed things in his house. The couple has a 3-year-old daughter and has been romantically involved since they were teenagers. She was arrested for simple assault.

Lunesta Larceny: Two video games, two DVDs, a bag of change, 20 pills of Valium, 20 pills of Percocet and 20 pills of Lunesta were stolen from a 43-year-old man's sports bag Oct. 11 at La Quinta Inn on Garners Ferry Road.

How Could They?: A 68-year-old man said someone stole two dogs from his Byrnes Drive backyard Oct. 11. He called animal control but the dogs had not been picked up.

Bike-Riding Hazard: A 44-year-old man was riding his bike along Johnson Avenue on Oct. 11 when an 18-year-old man approached him, put a gun to his head and said, "Give it up." The bike rider turned over $52 to the mugger and called police.

Tip of the Week: When partying at home, it's in your best interest to be discreet. Five men were having a party on Floyd Avenue on Oct. 10 when police received a complaint of drug activity from the neighbors. When cops arrived on the scene they charged all five men with simple possession of marijuana.

Purse Knockoff: A 29-year-old woman's imitation Louis Vuitton purse was stolen from McCary's Bar on Bush River Road on Oct. 3. The woman said she was sitting at the bar and a man came in asking if the bar was still serving food. She turned around and he took off with the purse, which contained $5 in cash and a black and orange Sony Ericsson phone. The purse was valued at $25.

Credit Raining: A 25-year-old man found four credit cards at an AmSouth Bank ATM on Dutch Fork Road on Oct.2. He said he went to use the ATM and the credit cards fell out onto the ground.

Grand Maids Tale: A 52-year-old woman and a 38-year-old woman were beaten Sept. 25 by their boss, a 42-year-old woman, after she refused to pay them for their cleaning services at condominiums near Williams-Brice Stadium. They were brought to the woman's house where she was supposed to pay them, beaten and threatened with a gun if they did not leave the premises immediately.

Leave the Police Work to the Police: A 27-year-old woman spotted a 36-year-old man driving a stolen car around Ames Manor Apartments on Oct. 3. She confronted him about the stolen car and he reached into the back of the vehicle, pulled out a silver pistol and pointed it at her head.

Pathological Thief: A 46-year-old woman who works in the pathology department at Palmetto Health Richland Hospital reported Oct.3 that someone entered the department on the second floor and stole a Hewlett Packard laser printer valued at $400.

Mother's Fray: A 26-year-old man got into a fight with his mother on the side of Waites Road on Oct. 3. She began hitting him on his face and body. The man's girlfriend tried to break up the melee and the mother started hitting her as well. The mother left before police arrived.

Briefcase Brouhaha: A woman recently was in the offices of Ed Robinson's Cleaners on Forest Drive and ran from the building carrying a black briefcase belonging to a 26-year-old man, who gave chase, caught the woman and found a lock-blade knife. She was arrested for petit larceny, trespassing and carrying an unlawful weapon.

Tip of the Week: Watch your back at Finlay Park. In another bizarre incident at Finlay (others have included a drowning and a murder), a 31-year-old woman fell into a hole at the park Oct. 3. A barrier had been removed from the hole and apparently the woman did not see the opening before tumbling into it.

Miserable Marriage: A 37-year-old woman who lives on Weiss Drive recently woke up her husband and started arguing with him. The conflict turned physical and the woman scratched her husband down his back with her fingernails. She was arrested for simple assault.

Wilding at Wal-Mart: A 24-year-old woman was arrested Sept. 27 at Wal-Mart on Forest Drive for shoplifting, carrying a concealed weapon and disorderly conduct. While trying to leave the store with stolen items, she threatened an officer and store security with a knife.

Wayward Wacker Packer: A 22-year-old man residing on Sedgewood Lane reported Sept. 27 that someone stole his $3,000 Wacker Packer from his work place. The Wacker Packer was left in the open.

Sunday Blues: An employee of College Mart on Devine Street in Five Points said a man came in to buy alcohol on Sept. 24 (a Sunday) and became irate when he was told he couldn't because of the blue law restriction against alcohol sales on Sundays. He forced open a cooler door by hand, breaking the lock, and then fled on foot.

Car Crazy: A Hilton Head woman reported her car stolen Sept. 27 from her residence on Beachwood Drive. Richland County deputies found the car as it was being towed from the State Mental Hospital on North Main Street and Faison Drive by the Mental Health public safety.

Jewel Thief: A 72-year-old woman left her car unlocked in the driveway of her home on Blaine Street on Sept. 26. Someone stole one gold diamond lady ring, one gold high school ring (class of 1953), a set of green jade pearls and other jewelry from the vehicle.

Hard to Handle: A 38-year-old woman reported Sept. 26 that while she was in the Save-A-Lot on Garners Ferry Road, someone used an unknown object to break off the door handle on the right side of her car. The door no longer works.

Three Times the Charm: A woman was arrested and charged with three counts of forgery and three counts of bank fraud Sept. 26 for writing $650 in stolen Carolina First Bank checks to herself, endorsing them and trying to cash them at Bank of America on Garners Ferry Road.

Never Too Old to Party: A 76-year-old Mt. Pleasant man was arrested for disorderly conduct Sept. 23. He was observed staggering and nearly falling down while walking along George Rogers Boulevard. When stopped by police, he began to use profanity and an officer had to hold him on his feet. He had two mini-bottles of Bacardi Superior in his pants pockets.

Burned Out: A 46-year-old woman's car was stolen from her residence on Newworth Court on Sept. 17. Police found the car abandoned and burned to a crisp on Two Notch Road.

Tip of the Week: Mind your manners in Family Court. A 38-year-old woman was arrested in Family Court, in front of her lawyer, on Main Street on Sept. 21 after she hit the father of her children with her studded jean jacket during child support negotiations.

Streaker on the Loose: A 56-year-old man who lives on Spindrift Lane called police Sept. 12 about an apparently mentally ill man running around naked at their apartment complex. Police convinced the streaker to open his door and then heard him threaten the caller. He was taken to a hospital.

A Little Old for a Joyride: A 69-year-old woman residing on Farmington Drive said her 52-year-old son, who lives with her, stole her car Sept. 14, and she wants to prosecute him.

Go to Jail (Again): A 35-year-old man was arrested for a narcotics violation and resisting arrest Sept. 17 at Bluff Road and Interstate 77. The man had just been released from jail and was pulled over for driving a moped without lights. Upon being stopped and told he was under arrest, the man pulled away and ran on foot. After being threatened with a taser gun, the man complied and was taken back to jail.

Gettin' His Drink On: A 55-year-old man who works at a Hot Spot convenience store on Farrow Road told police Sept. 20 that someone snatched a case of Budweiser and left without paying for it.

Unconscionable: A 49-year-old double amputee residing on Hanover Street told police Sept. 20 that someone stole his $14,000 electric wheelchair from under his carport.

Pay Attention: A 21-year-old woman's purse was stolen from Pavlov's on Greene Street on Sept. 20. The purse contained $275 in cash and 80 pills of Adderall, which is used to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and narcolepsy.

Wholesale Bust: A 39-year-old employee of Sam's Club on Forest Drive said he saw a co-worker charge a $30 gift card to a customer and use it buy stuff in the store. The $30 was refunded to the customer and the co-worker was arrested for breach of trust under $1,000.

Big Brother is Watching: A 23-year-old man told police Sept. 13 that he found a wireless camera, transmitter and power supply in a wall-mounted fan at his home on Frost Avenue. Cops arrested an unidentified suspect.

Super Sonic: An 18-year-old employee of Sonic on Garners Ferry Road reported Sept. 19 that a man entered the fast food joint and pointed a semiautomatic handgun at him and a customer and shouted, "Get the f#!k down! Get the f#!k down!" An assistant manager called 911 from the back of the store and the man fled.

Tip of the Week: Never, ever leave your car unlocked, even for a few minutes ‹ especially if your wallet is inside it. A 20-year-old woman had her wallet stolen from her unlocked car Sept. 17 while getting gas on Bush River Road. Police found the wallet, absent $170 in cash, at a Hess gas station on Broad River Road. The woman said a man and a female accomplice took the wallet and gave police a description of them and their vehicle. Cops located the two, both 39, at the Knights Inn on Bush River Road and arrested them. Police also found crack cocaine and charged the man with possessing the drug.

Broke Bankers & Thieves, er, BB&T: A 20-year-old woman was arrested for forgery Sept. 12 at BB&T Bank on Bush River Road after trying to cash a check stolen from USA Auto Sales on Broad River Road.

What Friends are For: An 81-year-old man who lives on Cumberland Drive gave a "friend" a ride to a food bank Sept. 12. When they returned the friend broke into the man's car, stole one of his blank checks, made it out for $750 and tried to buy a car.

Blindsided: A 46-year-old man was arrested for trespassing Sept. 12 on Laurel Street after a cop noticed him on the second-floor porch of a building that had "no trespassing" signs posted on all four sides of the building.

Interior Decorators Make Their Mark: Police found an abandoned trailer Sept. 12 behind Prescott Manor on Koon Road that had been vandalized with graffiti apparently by members of the Folk Nation gang. Damage was estimated at $300.

Jail Cell Fitting Room: A 44-year-old manager at Lane Bryant on Bower Parkway reported Sept. 12 that one of her employees conducted false register transactions totaling more than $3,000. The employee was arrested for breach of trust over $1,000.

Sleeping Like a (Pine) Log: A 38-year-old man was arrested Sept. 11 after he was found sleeping in an abandoned car, without tags or registration, on Pine Street. Police told the man he could go, but he insisted that he lived at the location and the car was his brother's. He was arrested for disorderly conduct and the vehicle was towed.

Parking Ticket Revenge: A cop reported Sept. 12 that 29 parking meters along Lincoln and Marion streets had been defaced and two meters at Finlay Park had been broken.

Boozing It Up with Coffee and Hot Sauce: Someone broke into Boozer Lumber on Atlas Road on Sept. 11 and stole five hammers and four tape measures and poured hot sauce and coffee all over the office computer.

Tip of the Week: If you can't read the signs, get someone to read them to you. Three men were arrested on drug charges Sept. 7 on Farrow Road. A cop spotted the men parked in a car in a vacant lot posted with signs reading "no trespassing," "no loitering," "no drugs allowed" and "patrolled by RCSD," the acronym for Richland County Sheriff's Department; d'oh!.

Now That's Trashy: A 49-year-old woman reported Sept. 5 that someone stole two roll-cart trash cans while she was moving into her new residence on Columbia College Drive.

Licensed to Ill: A 28-year-old woman's car broke down on Heyward Street on Aug. 31. When she went back to the vehicle five days later to have it towed, she noticed that someone had stolen the license plate.

We Don't Need No Education: Sept. 5 was a day of thuggery at three public schools. A Gibbes Middle School student disrupted his class and, after he was told to calm down, threatened bodily harm to the teacher. Two Dreher High School students got into a fight in a stairwell near the cafeteria. They started throwing punches, prompting teachers to leave their classrooms to break up the melee. And a 48-year-old woman reported that while her son was waiting to be picked up from Eau Claire High School, two students got into an altercation and one of them said he was "going to hit someone" and grabbed her son, beating on him until a teacher separated them.

Wallet-Sized Incident: A 53-year-old man was sitting on his front porch on Tree Street on Sept. 5 when someone walked onto the porch and stole his wallet from right underneath his nose. The man chased the thief down the road and retrieved his wallet. The thief then walked across the street, picked up a board and started beating the man.

Throw and Hit and Run: A 30-year-old woman said her boyfriend threw her from their car while they were arguing at Farrow and Clemson roads Aug. 30. Then a silver PT Cruiser hit her in the middle of the road. As she stood up the driver motored away.

Not Whistling Dixie: A 49-year-old man went to check out his property in Hopkins on Sept. 3 after a family member called him about a disturbance and heard motorcycles coming from behind his trailer. By the time he got there, the motorcycles had disappeared and the $30,000 trailer was destroyed. Officers reported that one of the only salvageable items was a blue plastic Dixie cup.

Tip of the Week: When renting to someone, check their references. A 67-year-old man who lives on Piney Branch Road in Eastover reported Aug. 28 that one of his tenants, who is being evicted and is on trespassing notice, pulled into his driveway and demanded to talk. The tenant then pulled out a semiautomatic pistol, held it between his landlord's eyes, cocked it and said, "I'll blow your mother f#!king head off!" He was arrested for aggravated assault and trespassing.

Financial Boost: The president of the Dreher High School Athletic Booster Club reported Aug. 28 that the treasurer of the club stole at least $14,000 from the school. The treasurer was arrested and charged with breach of trust more than $5,000.

Volvo Value: A 25-year-old employee of a Hess gas station on Devine Street reported Aug. 28 that someone driving a white Volvo pumped $34.87 worth of gasoline and drove off without paying.

Wire Transfer: A 36-year-old employee of Burriss Electric reported Aug. 28 that someone broke into the company's construction trailers at St. Andrews Middle School and stole $3,000 worth of copper wire.

Check Before You Wreck: A 29-year-old bank fraud investigator said someone cashed a fake $2,000 check from AmSouth Bank at Carolina First on Blossom Street on Aug. 25. And a 35-year-old employee at Belk in Columbiana Mall reported Aug. 28 that someone purchased three $500 gift cards and $455 in clothes using bogus checks from a credit union in Alabama.

Government Work is Good Work: A 30-year-old city of Columbia employee was arrested by state police on Dry Branch Road in Hopkins on Aug. 28 for allegedly stealing more than $53,000 by increasing her salary in the city's payroll system. She was charged with breach of trust with fraudulent intent, conspiracy and 10 counts of forgery.

Handpicked Wedding Ring: A 32-year-old woman was shopping at Handpicked Warehouse on Harbison Boulevard on Aug. 28 when someone stole her $2,000 diamond white gold wedding ring set.

Computer Crime: A 48-year-old woman staying at the Embassy Suites on Stoneridge Drive reported Aug. 28 that someone stole her $2,000 Dell laptop computer from the hotel's business center while she was using one of the hotel's computers.

Copper Needed for Theft: A 42-year-old resident of Arthurtown reported Aug. 28 that someone stole 30 feet of copper tubing and a car radiator from his backyard. He estimated the value of the stolen goods at $600.

Tip of the Week: They don't call it trailer trash for nothing. A 73-year-old woman living on Motley Road in Hopkins told police Aug. 28 that a 65-year-old man refused to return two of her trailers, which he was supposed to fix, until she paid him more money than they had originally agreed upon for the repair work.

Embassy Heist: A 51-year-old man reported on Aug. 20 that while exiting his car in the Embassy Suites parking lot on Stoneridge Drive, someone put a gun to his head and demanded his wallet. They stole $120 in cash and left in a dark SUV.

Ace in the Hole: On Aug. 19, a 34-year-old man presented a check supposedly from Bank of America to Ace Check Cashing on Taylor Street. The check was stolen and he was arrested for forgery.

Don't Lacoste Me: Two juveniles were caught shoplifting 11 Lacoste shirts (total retail value: $1,071) from Belk at Columbiana Mall on Aug. 20. The youths were arrested for shoplifting and released to their parents.

Wrenching Mystery: A 37-year-old employee at Sears in Columbiana Mall reported that a man recently stole three sets of Craftsman ratchet wrenches (worth $170 combined) and ran from the store. He climbed into the passenger seat of a getaway car and got away.

Give Me a Home Where the Park Police Don't Roam: A 50-year-old homeless man was arrested for sleeping on a swing bench at Finlay Park on Aug. 20.

Give Me a Home Where the Park Police Don't Roam 2: A 48-year-old man recently was arrested for public drunkenness and violating park hours after he was found sleeping with his dog on a bench in Riverfront Park. Animal control took his dog to the Columbia Animal Shelter.

Leaving the Door Open for Trouble: A 40-year-old man said he was staying at the Western Inn on Bush River Road on Aug. 6 when three people entered his room ‹ while the door was open ‹ and got into a physical altercation and then ran.

Gone Fishin': A 23-year-old man reported that someone stole eight fishing reels and lures from his car while it was parked at Riverbanks Zoo and Garden on Aug. 20.

Wait A Minute Mr. Postman: A 55-year-old woman living on Windemere Avenue reported that someone knocked over her $10 mailbox with their car and drove away Aug. 20.

Must Have Eaten Too Many Hot Wings: A 40-year-old man was arrested for disorderly conduct at D's Wings on Sparkleberry Crossing on Aug. 18 for starting fights with bar patrons.

Devolving to Incarceration: A 40-year-old man was arrested Aug. 20 for trespassing at Club Evolutions on Longcreek Drive.

It Was an Ugly Day in the Neighborhood: A 41-year-old man was arrested for breach of peace Aug. 19 for arguing with his neighbors on Sanvoy Haven Drive.

Tip of the Week: The Jerry Springer Show went off the air years ago. A 17-year-old man got into a confrontation with his mother Aug. 18 on Faraway Drive and threatened to kill her with a kitchen knife. His uncle intervened and tried to calm him down. The teenager was arrested for aggravated assault.

Drummed Out of House and Home: A 45-year-old man reported that someone stole a rare Maplewood drum set with handmade black travel cases from his home on Greene Street on Aug. 14. The drum set was valued at $20,000. They also stole $1,500 worth of furniture, $2,500 worth of French reproduction pictures, $1,000 in T-shirts and $1,800 in bicycles, totaling $26,800 in stolen goods.

Unhealthy Place to Spange: A 44-year-old man reported a repeat panhandler at Palmetto Health Richland Hospital who had returned to the area without permission. The spanger (that's seeker of spare change) was arrested for trespassing after notice on Aug. 14.

Must Not Have Liked the Room: A 50-year-old woman working at the Residence Inn on Stoneridge Drive said two people left without paying their $1,456 bill Aug. 12.

Pink or Blue?: A man working at an Eckerd Pharmacy on Garners Ferry Road said a juvenile stole a pregnancy test by concealing it under her shirt Aug. 11. Perhaps worse for the girl than police being called, her mother was, too.

Urine Trouble: A 22-year-old man was arrested Aug. 11 for urinating in the parking lot of Andy's Deli on Greene Street.

Burning Down the House (Street): A 38-year-old man residing on House Street reported Aug. 12 that someone set a mattress on fire on his front porch.

The Things We Do for Love: A 22-year-old man was arrested for trespassing Aug. 12 at the Columbia Plaza Hotel on Two Notch Road. Police warned him to leave as he was sitting in his car in the parking lot, but he refused, insisting that he was waiting on his "girl".

A Different Kind of Hot Car: A cop noticed a car on the side of Oakcrest Drive with smoke coming from the driver's side window Aug. 13. Police broke out the window and extinguished a fire in the dashboard. The fire appeared to be electrical; the owner of the vehicle was not found.

Gangs … What Gangs?: A 25-year-old woman saw what she believed to be gang members spray painting symbols and profanity on a stop sign at Colonial Villa Apartments on Aug. 9. Management of the apartment complex took photos of the graffiti and then painted over it.

Psychotropic Food for Thought: A 39-year-old employee of Tyson Foods on Bluff Road found a dime bag of marijuana in the parking lot Aug.11.

Silver Bullet, er, Dollar: Employees at the Silver Dollar on Garners Ferry Road called police Aug. 12 in response to gunfire in the parking lot. A 34-year-old man drove away from the scene recklessly and crashed in a median. Police found bullet casings in the area and turned the man and his car over to the S.C. Highway Patrol.

Tampering to Death: A 34-year-old man was arrested for tampering with cars Aug. 8 at the Richland County coroner's office on Taylor Street.

Tip of the Week: Even Martha Stewart wouldn't try this at K-Mart. A 49-year-old woman said she was approached while shopping at the K-Mart on Fort Jackson Boulevard on Aug.11 by someone who said they found a bag of money in the parking lot and would split it with her if she gave them $3,000 so it would look like the money was an investment. The presumed scammer was arrested for larceny by trick.

Read Me: A 60-year-old man found a note on the ground at Lutheran Theological Seminary on Aug. 1 and notified police about it. The note turned out to be a clue to a scavenger hunt.

Playing with Fire: A 30-year-old man reported a house fire on Washington Street on Aug. 6. Several small fires were set inside the house and one small fire was set under it. Foul play was suspected and estimated damage to the house was $10,000.

Two Strikes and You're Out!: A 48-year-old man was arrested in Five Points for panhandling on Aug. 5 after being warned by police to stop.

Firm Reprimand: A 22-year-old man was issued a summons for leaving his black rottweiler in his car when he went to work out at The Firm on Main Street on Aug. 5.

Victimizing the Elderly: An 83-year-old woman living on Coles Road said someone stole her steel safe Aug. 4. The safe contained $60,000 worth of jewelry and $12,470 in cash. The thief also stole $300 in cash from the woman's purse and $160 from a bank envelope.

Regional Robbery: A 33-year-old teller at Regions Bank on Forest Drive reported Aug. 4 that a man walked up to him with a note that said, "This is a robbery, give me the money and nobody gets hurt." The teller gave him money in a plastic Wal-Mart bag and the robber bolted out the front door.

Put 'Em Up: A 52-year-old man and two of his friends were robbed at gunpoint at Columbiana Mall on Aug. 3.

My Country Tis' of Thee: A 55-year-old employee at Country Inn Suites on East Exchange Boulevard noticed a front desk clerk take $998 from the cash register on Aug. 3. He signed a warrant on the clerk.

High Times Three: A 47-year-old man was arrested on North Main Street for third offense simple possession of marijuana on Aug. 4.

Doctor's Car(e): A 34-year-old employee of Doctor's Care on Atrium Way had her car stolen from the parking lot on Aug. 6. Her car, valued at $28,000, was gone when she went to lunch. The woman's 35-year-old ex-fiancι said the car was in both of their names and that she had stopped making payments on it. He gave the vehicle back to her after taking it to the DMV and turning in the tags.

Playing Your Chips Right: A 35-year-old employee of Dollar General on North Main Street recently reported that someone stole seven bags of potato chips.

Tip of the Week: Yes, rent-to-own stores are a racket, but don't get violent about it. A 33-year-old employee of Rent-A-Center on St. Andrews Road reported that two men became agitated when she did not open the door right away and one of them kicked it down, breaking the frame. The door kicker was issued a warrant worksheet and the second man was not charged.

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